Being invited to a wedding is an honour—it means the couple wants you to share in one of the most significant days of their lives. With that honour comes responsibility to be a gracious, thoughtful guest who contributes positively to the celebration. Wedding etiquette can feel complicated, but at its core, it's really about respect, consideration, and helping create a beautiful day for the people getting married.
This comprehensive guide covers everything you need to know about being the perfect wedding guest, from the moment you receive the invitation to the days following the celebration.
The RSVP: First Impressions Matter
Your response to a wedding invitation sets the tone for your entire role as a guest. Couples need accurate numbers for catering, seating, and countless other planning details, which is why your prompt RSVP genuinely matters.
Respond by the date specified on the invitation—not before, and definitely not after. Most couples request responses two to four weeks before the wedding date. If you haven't responded by the deadline, expect a follow-up, and be apologetic about the delay. The couple shouldn't have to chase you down for information they need.
- Respond by the deadline, no exceptions
- Only include guests who are actually invited
- Be honest about dietary requirements
- If you must change your response, notify the couple immediately
- An RSVP "yes" is a commitment—don't cancel unless absolutely necessary
Only RSVP for the people actually invited. If the invitation is addressed to you only, don't assume you can bring a date or your children. If the invitation is addressed to your family, children are included. If you're genuinely unsure, it's acceptable to politely ask the couple for clarification.
Wedding Gifts: What to Give and When
Gift-giving traditions have evolved, but the expectation of presenting the couple with a gift remains. Most Australian couples now have gift registries, which take the guesswork out of selecting something they'll appreciate and use. If a registry is indicated, choose from it—the couple has selected these items specifically.
For couples who don't have a registry or who "have everything," cash or gift cards are increasingly common and appreciated. A monetary gift equivalent to the approximate cost of your attendance (venue cost per head) is a reasonable guideline, though you should never give beyond your means. The couple invited you because they want you there, not because they expect expensive gifts.
Gifts can be sent before the wedding or up to three months afterward. Sending gifts ahead means the couple doesn't have to transport presents home from the venue. If you choose to bring a physical gift, a card with your name is essential—don't assume they'll remember who gave what.
If you're experiencing financial difficulty, a heartfelt card with a genuine, personal message is absolutely acceptable. The couple invited you for your presence, not presents. Don't overextend yourself financially or feel embarrassed about a modest gift.
Arrival and Ceremony Etiquette
Arrive at the ceremony venue at least 15-20 minutes before the scheduled start time. This allows you to find seating, settle in, and be fully present when the ceremony begins. Running in late and disrupting the ceremony is disrespectful to everyone, especially the couple.
Silence your phone completely—not just vibrate, but silent. Even a vibrating phone can be audible in a quiet ceremony space. Better yet, put it away entirely. You're there to witness and celebrate, not to document for social media.
Speaking of phones and cameras, follow the couple's wishes regarding photography. Many couples now request "unplugged" ceremonies, asking guests to keep phones and cameras put away during the ceremony itself. Respect this request—their professional photographer will capture the moments, and your phone held up can ruin their shots.
Reception Behaviour
The reception is a celebration, but certain behaviours remain inappropriate regardless of how festive the atmosphere becomes. Pace yourself with alcohol—no one wants to be remembered as "that guest" who overindulged and caused embarrassment. The bar may be free, but that doesn't mean you should drink without limits.
Respect the schedule and flow of events. When dinner is announced, take your seat promptly. During speeches, give the speakers your full attention. When the couple takes to the dance floor for their first dance, watch and applaud—don't jump in before you're invited to join.
Never grab the microphone for an unsolicited speech, regardless of how witty you think you are. Don't wear white or anything bridal-adjacent. Don't monopolise the couple's time—they have many guests to greet. Don't leave before the cake cutting and first dance without personally saying goodbye.
Mingle and be social. While it's natural to gravitate toward people you know, make an effort to speak with other guests. You might meet the couple's family members, colleagues, or friends from different parts of their lives. These connections are part of what makes weddings special.
Dress Code Adherence
We've covered dress codes extensively in other articles, but the etiquette point bears repeating: respect whatever dress code the couple has specified. Dressing too casually for a formal wedding is disrespectful of the atmosphere they're trying to create. Overdressing dramatically for a casual celebration can seem like you're trying to attract attention.
The most important dress code rule: never, ever wear white, ivory, cream, or anything that could be mistaken for bridal attire. This applies to very pale champagne, off-white with patterns, and wedding-adjacent styles like white lace or anything resembling a wedding dress. This isn't the day to push boundaries on this particular rule.
Social Media Etiquette
Before posting anything from the wedding on social media, understand the couple's preferences. Some couples want guests to share freely; others prefer to release their professional photos first or may have specific hashtags they want used. Some may ask for no social media posting at all.
If the couple hasn't specified, err on the side of restraint. Don't post photos of the bride before the ceremony (some couples keep the dress a surprise). Be thoughtful about which photos you share—flattering images of others only, nothing embarrassing or unflattering. Tag responsibly, knowing that not everyone wants every photo of themselves posted publicly.
Dealing with Challenges
Weddings can present awkward situations—encountering an ex, sitting at a table with difficult relatives, or witnessing other guests behaving poorly. Handle these situations with grace and maturity. Remember that this day isn't about you or your personal dramas; it's about the couple.
If you encounter someone you'd rather avoid, polite acknowledgment and then moving on is perfectly acceptable. You don't need to be best friends with everyone at the wedding; you just need to be civil. If another guest is behaving inappropriately, quietly alert a wedding coordinator or trusted member of the wedding party rather than causing a scene yourself.
After the Wedding
Your duties as a good guest don't end when the reception does. If you haven't already sent a gift, do so within the traditional three-month window. Send a thank-you note or message to the couple expressing your appreciation for including you in their celebration—a quick text or email within a few days is lovely.
If you took photos that you think the couple would enjoy, offer to share them. Many couples love having candid guest perspectives that their photographer wouldn't have captured. Just be selective—share your best dozen shots, not every blurry image from the evening.
Ultimately, wedding guest etiquette comes down to basic consideration and respect. The couple has invested enormous time, emotion, and resources into creating this celebration. Your role is to honour that investment by being present, engaged, and joyful. Be the guest you'd want at your own wedding, and you can't go wrong.